The magic of forgiveness!!

The biggest challenge for any person ever is to “forgive”!

I mean, sounds easy but so difficult to practice!! But how can you forgive someone that destroyed you intentionally?? How can you forgive someone that lied to your face?? How can you forgive someone that hurt you- physically and emotionally?? How can you forgive someone that manipulated you?? How can you forgive someone that ruined “trust” for you?? How can you forgive someone that sent you for therapy for life?? How can you forgive someone that put you into a life term association with depression, anxiety and gave you trust issues and a fear of abandonment??

Never ever was my answer !!

But I realised that I could do it!! 

Despite what happened to me, I could pray for them!! I could pray that they get better!! I wouldn’t lie, I’m no saint so I did wish for horrible things on them during my loudest cries!! But as those cries settled, I realised that bad things happening to others doesn’t make my life better in any manner!! Wishing bad on others doesn’t make me happy!! Seeing others in pain doesn’t give me peace!! Rather it hurts me!! 

Those that hurts you does so because of their lack of conscience!! They will not regret anything because they’ve not wronged anyone in their conscience!! So bad things happening to them will not put them in any after thought!!

The longer I held on to my pain, the longer I had others in control of my life!! And I don’t want anyone to have that control on me!! Anger and hatred doesn’t destroy anyone but ourselves!!

And so I let go!! Call it karma, call it Gods wrath, call it anything; if they’re meant to face the music of their actions, they will! “Consequential punishment” will happen if and when it’s to happen!! I don’t need to hold on to the grudge, the hatred, the pain!! Because I learnt that I could move on and get better only once I’d forgiven! 

And I did!! And it brought peace, it brought more rigour in me to set my life straight!! Because I didn’t want to have a better life to shown anyone down but because I have the capability in me and I deserve a better life!!

As a friend of mine told me, “you have the will power, you can make things happen if you want to!”, that will power needed the entire energy I have and couldn’t waste it brooding over negativity!!

They say forgive and forget, well to forget is impossible !! That will always stay a scar in life!! Doesn’t mean it will hurt, it stays a reminder of what you’ve endured, a reminder of your strength, a reminder of your resilience, a reminder of your spirit of fighting, a reminder of your walk into victory!!

Seeking help!!

If you know me, you’d know how much of a happy life I have!! I am definitely blessed, doing well, have an amazing child, supportive parents, an amazing family, super fun friends, on my way to achieve all the dreams I have had and doing pretty well in life!!

And yet, in those long days and even longer nights, I still feel helpless!! I don’t have a desire to get out of the bed!! I don’t eat nor sleep!! I don’t even shower to be honest!! And I postpone everything I should be doing!! The only thing that gets my energy back is having my kiddo around and having some place to be or some activity to do!!

I understand that keeping myself occupied is my way of staying sane and having nothing to do drives me crazy!! I know, it’s kinda the dream of many to have days where you can afford to do nothing!! But guess I like those days in between the busy days!! Uncertainty of “how many more such days” kills me from inside!!

Reminded me of all the things I loved doing and yet don’t do anymore despite having days at my disposal!! Have hours and yet don’t watch the movie I have been wanting to watch!! Arranged my books but didn’t pick out one to read in the whole week!! Started organising but have left things scattered instead of putting them away!! That brought out the thought, guess something is very wrong with me and I need help!!

This identification that we need help is something we lack in our lives!! We feel that when everything is going well, there’s no reason to feel sad or empty!! But these feelings happen!! And that’s when we need to ask for help!! Something that I am trying to fit in is make a schedule, have a routine and follow it like clock work!! And make up plans to catch up with as much people as possible since I’ve understood that people make me happy, loner isn’t my comfort zone!!

Maybe there are people out there too who are going through similar emotions!! There would be people not realising something is wrong or maybe they’ve realised it but unable to take any steps to getting help!! 

Dear friend,

I know it is difficult to ask for help, to accept your vulnerability especially when you’ve been strong for a long part of your life!! Maybe it’s time to stop being strong and take that rest, take that helping shoulder, the ears to listen to your version of life!! It’s when you’ve been too strong for a long time that your inner self gives way!! They’re tired!! Give them rest!!! You’re sure to soar back in your strength!! You don’t have to be vulnerable in front of everyone, just find that right safe space!! A therapist, counsellor, a friend: find what works for you!! But do take that help!! Because there’s nothing heroic about battling alone and losing it at the end!! 

I was talking to a friend today about movies and that I like SRK.. N accidentally stumbled upon Dear Zindagi on YouTube.. I'd watched it when it released, but long forgotten.. Now when I watched it again: the words of Jug is exactly what I need, what we need.. 

Seeking help isn't wrong, and there's no one size fits all concept!! Each of us dealing with our issues needs to find that right glove that helps us!!

I hope you do find your strength to ask for help if and when you need it!! There’s nobody that can be strong all through!! And you don’t have to be an exception!!

Let’s strive to accept the importance of mental health and work on improving it!!