The year that passed by!

The year 2022 is nothing short of magical!!

I learnt more about me, evolving into a better and stronger version of me!! Feel more empowered, stronger, happier and confident!! And ended up adding a couple of people more into my list of “friends to keep for life”!

This year taught me that silent confidence no more works!! Be brave, be bold, speak up for what you believe is right, speak up when you disapprove!! Don’t live to please everyone but just focus on being happy!! Obviously, not to hurt people for selfish reasons but when it’s your happiness or others, think about yourself too with the same care you show others!!

I learnt to put myself first, I discovered myself in many aspects, changed a few perspectives about life, made a few mistakes, and learnt how to be assertive!! 

There’s an enormous empowerment when it comes to self love and I can’t believe the confidence I have developed this year!! Yeah, I’m a ball of mush at times but I learnt how to navigate myself!! I learnt what I can tolerate and what I don’t accept!! I took a trip to an unconventional place and discovered my love for travelling.. I did outdoor activities, watched stand up, plays and went dancing and discovered I enjoy these activities!! Discovered few good shows and books!

This year helped me grow, find out about myself and taught me to stand up for myself instead of tolerating everything!! People pleasing wasn’t as good as I grew up believing it to be, it’s ok not to be liked by everyone!  I did stay cordial with everyone, though not friends!! And I discovered I feel ok knowing people dislike me!! The old me would go to great lengths to change their opinion, now I respect their choices and am “unapologetically” my unique self!!

So proud of myself and grateful to the people that were pillars for my transformation giving me strength, validation, support when I falter and loads of love and motivation!! I hope and pray that the coming years helps each of us evolve into better and brighter versions of ourselves!!

Love and wishes for a prosperous, healthy and successful 2023,

BB

Loneliness

We all crave the attention of people!!

We all secretly hope to have someone that can be at our beck and call when we need them, not out of compulsion but because of that deep bond of understanding with them!!

We all know that friends have their priorities and cannot be available for us at all times, and so we need someone that we know will be with us!!

People say that you need others because you don’t love yourself enough!! But no matter how hard you try, you can never find that sense of security holding yourself as much as you find in the arms of someone you had loved!! 

People say that dependence on others is the cause of pain and you need to be independent enough to not crave anything from anyone!! But man is a social animal, cannot survive without the circle!!

People say that you should remember your responsibility because the burden of responsibility generally wakes up the reality!! But some days you just wish for someone to share your burdens with!!

And all these expectations is what generally leads to the biggest pain in life - Loneliness!!

We set certain expectations in life, we fail to reach or get what we expected and the resultant feeling we experience is what we call pain!! The dictionary doesn’t agree though, pain for them is either the physical unpleasant sensation or the excessive care or trouble a person takes!! 

When we go through a terribly emotional phase, the pain radiates to the body too and has physical manifestation, so yes, pain can be emotional or physical!! But why do we put ourselves through this over and over again??

It’s a very human thing to have attachments with people or things and when you are attached to them, you can end up having certain expectations in return!! So when my friend says something rude, my partner makes no time for me, my kid ignores me or if my scooter breaks down, I surely will feel pain (the magnitude falling lower in each case).. 

But can we live without any attachment to people at all? Unless and until we reach the pinnacle of Nirvana, I believe it is not possible.. We still will love people and be there for them. But we need to do it with the disclaimer to ourselves that they may not be there for us when we need them to and that is the risk of pain I am willing to take.. Can't think of life to be quid-pro-quo where others should reciprocate the same way I do.. Yes it will cause pain, yes it will hurt, yes it will trigger all the subsided trauma. But I will still rise once that pain passes.. The disclaimer makes us a bit prepared for the pain so that it doesn't take us by surprise. And the best part of expecting the worst, either you are prepared for that or some people surprise you and is there for you, which I believe is a win-win"er" situation in life..  

Pain has a very bad ring to it!! But it does help us become stronger, it teaches us more about ourselves and helps us face the remainder with more zeal!! But that only happens if you let pain be a lesson than a choice of life!! We all find our own ways to cope with life, we find out measures to protect us, develop our own coping mechanisms (some are self-sabotaging sadly).. But we eventually draw a path that we can tread through this journey of life..

A life without struggles and pain is impossible!! It’s as if life throws over these pebbles when it feels that it’s a bit happy and cozy for us!! So why not pave a way with these pebbles that life is throwing at us? After all, they say, when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade!!

Gratitude

When life seems to go downhill, we only focus on those things that are going bad in our life!! As taught in “Science of Spirituality” (a subject that is mandatory to become a successful manager because it is the emotions that control us over our facts), we tend to get caught up in a tendency to “overgeneralise” and think “bad things always happens to me”.

Looking back, every pain brought with it a lesson!! Though I’d love to go back a decade and be the naive person I was, I wouldn’t be who I am if not for the experiences!! I learnt many lessons on the way.. I learnt that relationship doesn’t last because of the name of the relationship but due to the efforts of the people!! I learnt that people that you believed can never hurt you, does!! I learnt that life is not about fantasies but a series of mundane routine that keeps life going!! I learnt that love is not what you see in movies but finding a sense of security and comfort in the partner!! I learnt that parenthood is a conscious decision each day no matter how hard it gets!!

And amongst all this, I learnt that life is not too bad!! Yes, there are people and experiences that brings you down to your knees.. But it’s never the end of the world no matter how bad it seems!! I still can trust (with the hope of never getting hurt again), still can smile and still can go on.. Because every day I find one little thing that gives me the reason to be thankful for, the person I call my son!! Because each day he reminds me that all my experiences led me to him and I can not imagine my life without him!! 

So when the bad thoughts happen, we forget to hold on to those little moments of gratitude life blesses us with!! And as I keep reminding myself, “look at the bright side of life”, and my bright side just brought me oodles of happiness with his error in his exam sheet!!

(If you didn’t understand what he meant)

I will give my mother water

I will say a story

I will play with my mother

I will study with my mother

I will help my mother tidy my room (though he cleans up after himself)

Although he didn’t get the answer right, I can never thank heavens for giving me him!! I always knew parents love you more than anyone ever can!! But after my kiddo, I guess I’m just too blessed to find such a pure soul that loves me to the core!  And no matter what, I always am and will be thankful for everything that happened in my life because it ultimately gave me my son!! 

Find your little moments of happiness, find your happy corner and your pure bliss of joy!! Life is certainly unfair and there are definitely gonna be moments and days when you feel low!! Remember the goodness in this world , remember the goodness in “your” world and hold on through it!!

Mi Fuerza, Mi Vida, Mi Amor : Mi Hijo!!

Hey my boy,

It’s so fast that time has passed!! I remember vividly the excitement of finding those “double lines” on the test strip!! I remember the butterfly flutters inside me when you moved!! I totally remember the sleepless nights, swellings and aches I felt when pregnant!! I can never forget the endless hours and pain at the hospital!! But what I don’t remember is how you grew up so fast!!I don’t remember how did time fly so fast that a tiny little being snuggled under my arms is now a pretty grown up boy, still snuggling under my arm!! 

I can never claim of being a great parent!! I’ve failed as a mother all along, I've made many mistakes.. I experimented parenting on you!! But you gave me a hug or smile and so much of love that it made me want to be a better parent!! People say that parents raise kids, I would say that it’s a two sided street!! Parents impart life skills to kids, parents learn about life and love from them!!

You taught me what forgiveness is, because I could hold grudge forever but you taught me how easier it is to forget the hurt! There are times I’ve removed my frustrations on you, reacted badly under pressure from other things!! Yet, you never once stayed angry on me!! Rather you would make it a point to be the first one to initiate a hug when I apologise!! 

You’ve  grown up a bit more quicker and mature than what you should have!! I was almost a kid when I had you; both of us grew up in these years!! I did not know anything about parenting despite having read millions of text on the same!! The practical part of parenting is dealing with life and learning on the go!! Both, you and I, grew up and is figuring life as we go on!! 

I have always told, and will always boast about how it is you that saved me, gave me strength, gave me love!! You are the reason I face life with a smile, you are the reason I have a motivation to face yet another day!! People say I am strong, well, a lioness always protects her cubs.. And I have enough reasons to be strong having you with me!!  

You are everything I am proud of. I am so happy to see you growing up each day into a wonderful human being. Every time you show your loving, caring, gentle side, I beam with pride for doing something right in life.. You happened to me at a time I was not ready for you, but I am glad such a happy accident happened.. Although parenting is a daily struggle, the satisfaction and love in return is worth it.. As I always tell all my young parents, "Cherish the days.. The days seems long but the years seem short". I can't believe you are turning 7 in a couple of months.. Time definitely has flown!! I am sure some day you will be grown up to read this letter and comprehend it, until then, stay this young, cute, bubbly ball of love for a bit more longer!! 

Mi fuerza, mi vida, mi amor!!