Life: Break the Bias!

Sunday 27 March 2022

Break the Bias!

How happy can a single mother be? How can a mother be able to provide stern guidance to a growing-up boy without a father? How can a woman run a house and look after the kid without a husband? How can a woman feel secure without a man? How can someone with a broken academic chart make something for herself after almost a decade? How can someone with a broken marriage face life? Well, these are queries thrown on me when my decision of walking out of an abusive marriage came out in the public. Being from a close-knit Christian community has some drawbacks in the form of well-wishers who mean well but doesn’t realise how outdated their outlook about success and happiness is. Gone are the times of “adjusting” and “tolerating” an abusive husband just because you get a social acceptance of having a family. !

I have seen how unhappy and insecure kids are when the parents stay together “for the sake of the kid” or “marriages are meant to last”; after all the vow is “Till death do us apart” so hope for the death of your partner to get out of an unhappy and loveless marriage. People still validate the happiness and success of a “woman” in terms of her personal space irrespective of her professional success. Having a husband is mandatory for the “fulfillment of a woman’s life” and once that step is done, the next step to being complete is making offspring. !

I did get married and become a mother but that did not make me happy because the love in the marriage was long gone and we stayed together for the world. The friction between us increased and got worse to the extent of physical abuse. When I realized the consequences of our actions on my son, I decided to step back and gave an ultimatum to the partner to either choose the marriage or leave my son and me alone.!

Being a single mother at the age of 28 with a 4-year-old in tow and having left my studies to focus on marriage brought about its share of disadvantages. The plethora of mental issues it brought along is unexplainable. But the last three years have been transformational. I educated myself regarding abuse and have finally healed from the pain and negativity. I have also found a program to complete my education and get back into the professional heights I always wanted to reach. Being a “HAPPY” single mother in a world where single parents are looked down upon, I feel a sense of pride in being an instrument to bring about an awareness that standing up for yourself and against abuse is essential. There is nothing that a woman can’t do by herself. A companion is good to have, but not a necessity. So, if the partner brings you no joy and security, there is no obligation to anyone to stay in such a marriage.