Wake up call

It is just a random conversation that shook my dreams off!!

“Nobody really loves you, they’re with you only because they’re getting something out of it”

Didn’t expect this jolt out of the blue at the trip that was supposed to be rejuvenating!!

It’s the truth, I do have a handful of friends and people that expects nothing from me!! But the world in general is full of people that just wants to take advantage of people!! And being a pushover and “hopeless and desperate for love”, I easily dote on people that shows even just an iota of affection only to be heartbroken sooner than expected!!

I recently came across a reel on Instagram where someone said that the reason why we marry is to have someone witness our life.. one of my favourite songs of Linkin Park is “Leave out all the rest”, it emphasises on the fact that we humans have an innate desire to be remembered, and we hope for a bunch of people in our lives that we’ve touched in a manner that they’ll remember us even if our time here is done.. We desire to remain here even if we are not physically around anymore..

And that’s one of the biggest thing missing in your life when you have been alone for a while, you miss having someone that can share your mundane day with.. there are good days and bad, and happiness doubles or frustration vanishes when you have someone to talk to!!

I understand I do have friends that’s available at a beck and call, but personally it feels like intruding their personal space bombarding them when I wanna share something good or something devastating.. but they’ve stood by me through my 3am calls and hours of wailing over the same thing or celebrating small happiness’..

But yeah there’s a solace in having “your” person that witnesses everything about you, that becomes an integral part of you that they’re pseudo present in everything, they understand references, people that you’re talking about, they know exactly where you are and with whom because despite their absence you keep them updated.. they are that first text in the morning, the last call at night, the updates through the day and sharing stupid meaningless stuff just to remind them that you remember them.. they slowly are an integral part of life and routine!!

As someone asked, is it loneliness or freedom to wake up without someone wishing you a good morning or going to bed without the comfort of a hug and the security of having someone to guard your soul!! Maybe it’s this desperate effort of wanting someone to witness your life that makes people post their routines on social media hoping to leave behind a trail of earthly existence..

Maybe that comfort of feeling safe might never happen, might be the cortisol level is meant to be high at all times.. But I do know that a relationship always ends in heartbreak, either the love dies out or the partner, but being in love brings about unbearable pain at the end to counter the happiness and peace it brings when it sustains.. I understand humans are not designed to be alone and everyone fills the void with something, endless scrolling, screen time , house full of living beings being my escape, everyone finds out theirs..

Maybe that wake up call was harsh, but it’s a reality.. there probably exists nobody that can love you unconditionally and that’s unrealistic to expect too.. but I definitely can enjoy and share the love with people as long as it can last..