Those “Heavy” Thoughts

While travelling the 14km one way ride to n from work on a daily basis, I seldom see women riders..It’s almost always women pillions.. And they feel so comfortable being a pillion than taking up the stress of riding!!

Well that’s a metaphor that most of the women have the privilege of having someone run the house or atleast share the load with!! 

What people don’t realise is that no matter how independent a woman is, she feels a sense of security when she has someone to count on!! Maybe other women don’t, but I definitely know how secure and how motivated I feel when I know someone’s got my back!!

I wanted to go home to my parents for the weekend which sadly didn’t happen since I couldn’t make arrangements for my son.. n I wished, had I had a partner, I could entrust my son n leave..

Had I had a partner, I’d have someone to come home to n vent out about the craziness of the day!!

Had I had a partner, I’d feel taken care of!!

Had I had a partner, I’d feel safe!!

Had I had a partner, I could ask for a hug!!

Had I had a partner, my cortisol n anxiety levels would be in control!!

Had I had a partner, we could joke about absolute nothings or just go around the city on a whim!!

Well, I did have a partner, for over half a decade n those things happened too seldom so maybe it wouldn’t be different even if I had a partner!!

And everytime a lid don’t open or the electrical appliance acts funny or there’s some plumbing issue or my scooter breaks down or has a flat tyre, I don’t have anyone but myself to call up on to get it fixed!! And as liberating as it feels, it also brings about a pang of pain, I wished I had someone to share the mundane!!

Well, life goes on!! N it’s just another downward spiral of thought!! It’s gonna be a better day tomorrow with a more happier thought!!

The five lessons from “The five People you meet in Heaven”

Started out with “Tuesdays with Morrie” since the book looked like an easy read!! And also because many people recommended it; rightly so!!

So a friend recommended to check out “The five people you meet in heaven” and I’m glad she did!! Being a fiction fan, I can never make myself read about life lessons as written by most authors.. feels like a dry read though the lessons are good!! But Mitch Albom weaves it with a story plot which makes the read easy and intriguing!!

Coming back to the book, spoiler alert for the ones interested to read the book, it is the story of a man named Eddie and his encounter with Heaven!! Written beautifully and through alternates of different timelines, it teaches many wonderful lessons about life, especially the reminder of the fact that life is fleeting and we must live each day without remorse and regret!! Also, rightly said, it’s not that “we live only once!! We die only once, we live each moment, so make them count”!!

So as the title speaks, since the story revolves around people you meet in heaven, it starts with the backdrop about Eddie and builds up to hud death..

So as per the story, Eddie wakes up in heaven and is informed that he will be meeting five people on his journey to the eternal life.. the first person he meets is a person he’s met in his childhood but doesn’t really know him.. to cut the story short, he teaches Eddie the valuable lesson that our actions cause a ripple effect, and our actions impact many other lives in ways beyond our comprehension!!

The second person he encounters is his Captain from his time in the military.. Although the captain discloses him a truth that fills him with angst, he also learns a valuable lesson from him that many of the things we enjoy are due to the sacrifices of others and we don’t even realise it!!

The third person that he encounters is a stranger!! She’s the teacher that guides him to the reality that every villain has some redemption arc.. also, keeping grudges does no good!! We spend our whole life hating someone!! It’s lighter on ourselves to let go of the grudge, it just overweighs ourselves!! He hated someone his whole life but the third person helped him see the unseen side of the person which helped him have a different perspective and help him let go of the grudge!!

The fourth person is his beloved, she reminded him that love is still present whether or not they’re physically around!! When you genuinely love someone, the feeling never dies!!

The fifth person was the reason of guilt for all his life, she reminded him that he’s already lived his entire life redeeming himself for his mistake!! We generally beat ourselves with guilt, but more often than not, we’ve carried that guilt far longer than we need to!! And it’s never too late to mend ways n redeem yourself of your mistakes!! We need to learn to forgive ourselves, that’s the most challenging task we generally face!

A short 200 pages book which is barely a half day read and one that ensures you don’t put it down until you’ve completed it!! Worth the read, worth the reminders!! Hopefully some bibliophile finds the review intriguing enough to pick the book too!!

The “Miss Independent”

Man is a social being; and is not designed to spend their life alone!! So imagine being alone and the realisation dawning that this status quo is here to stay!!

Well, I didn’t set out to be alone!! There are days I hoped I could have someone to have my back, someone as my back up!! But I’m immediately reminded of that someone that had my back supposedly but reminded me each moment of the favour he confers by taking care of me and our son!!

So, now, by Gods grace, am in a position where I can fend for myself.. I don’t need anyone to run the errands, don’t have to ask anyone permission to buy me something, can afford to go on those impulse spendings on books, cute nothings or tattoos without too much of a thought!! Can plan trips based on my son’s vacations, without answering a plethora of questions to anyone!! Can eat out, go for movies on whims!! Can spend the weekend in any manner that pleases me!! Can buy the healthier version of things despite it being the expensive one!! Can do things without second thought of financing it (also, I do know my limits so I don’t spend more than what I’ve accounted for! And I also do keep aside a portion for these impulse buyings and lending so that my routines aren’t gone for a toss)!! It feels so much relief to not worry too much of the expenses when there’s a salary inflow assured at the end of the month..

And after the years of toiling hard enough to reach this position, and after those feelings of loneliness subsiding to a great extent, I don’t feel that comfort anymore to lose this found independence for anyone.. I don’t think I can go back to asking permission for anything.. I doubt if I can trust anyone else with our lives because I’m sure they will bring up the topic of how much they’ve to do for us!! 

So the reason why you should choose to be settled in the early years in because you can easily adapt to a life with someone!! Because once you’ve tasted independence, once you’ve learnt to have a life by yourself, you would prefer to live with the loneliness over the repeated pain of heartbreak!!

YOU

I still have a packet of coffee always in the pantry despite never making coffee for myself at home!! All because you always needed a cup of coffee in the morning!!

I still don’t wear a white legging unless I wear it with an uncut kurta because you disapproved it otherwise!!

I still have my butter chakli dipped with schezwan because you got me hooked to it!!

I still sing out loud to Bryan Adams because you and I used to share the music!!

I still weigh myself every morning as a part of habit you n I started..

I still look forward to the long weekends even if you and I don’t make plans to meet anymore.. 

When I see you, I still remember those good old days when we were young before remembering the dread you made my life to be!!

Every year on my birthday, I remember you getting me a cake because that small gesture of yours made me feel so happy!!

I still sing “Love story” and end with a glisten in my eyes, it was a special song for us after all!!

I still keep replacing my fighter fishes and plants because those were a big part of our conversation..

You still are a part of the “good morning” text daily, so much so that I look forward to it!!

You’re still the one I almost end sending my lift pictures on the days I feel good looking at myself in the mirror!!

I still, deep within me, hope you realise how much I loved you and what exactly you miss without me!!

You’re still the one I feel like calling at the end of the day when I just want someone to talk to!! (And the call I refrain from making)

You have been an inevitable part of my journey, some good memories, some habits that still lasts, some breakups that broke me!! But the “you”s are unforgettable.. 

Words of wisdom from the “Not so wise”

Celebrating “dad”

In a world where people can’t wait to be a father, there are very few that stands up and becomes a dad!!

Many just fulfils their obligation toward fatherhood by giving 10k and visiting twice a month!! 

But then there are people that make their child/ren their priority!! They know how to care, how to provide, how to be there!!

They think about their kid every moment of every day; strive to do better for their offspring!! They worry for them each day!! Make them their priority!!

They’d be there as your backup!! They’d be there to protect!! They’d be there to care!! They’d be there to lead!! They’d be there to guide!! 

They’d be there when you need them because they’re always there!! They’re not there when it’s convenient, they’re there because they choose to!!

Even as an adult, despite being independent and by myself for a decent part of adulthood now, despite having a few self help tips handy, he still makes it a point to come over often to help me fix the errands in the house!! He comes over and suddenly the choke up in the tap is cleaned, the basics of the house is fixed and running, I’ve got “hot” food on the table bcz he’s heated it up for the lazy bum who eats it cold!! From talking investment to talking  about how I should raise monkeys that visits our window; I know I can still count on him any moment I find anything difficult!!

Elder daughters and dads have a very special love hate relationship!! He loves me more than anything and anyone on earth (my pride and the factor to irritate my sister)!! But he hates my audacity and the fact that I’m just as tempered and adamant as him!! But he’s definitely around to see me be more independent and does everything in his power to ensure I don’t need him!!

But alas, he doesn’t know, a child always “ALWAYS” needs the dad!! And especially when you’ve got a good one, you always know, you’ve got someone to count on when you’re in need!! Rather, he ensures you’re never ever in “need” of him!!

The “eulogy” I’d like to hear

We all hear great things about the people that has passed!! We hear praises about how gem of a person they were!! How loving and kind they were!! How their presence made things better!! 

But sadly “they” aren’t here to hear it anymore!! Maybe it’s just the societal way of reminding loved ones of how much a good person the deceased was!!

But sometimes I wished I could hear my eulogy!! Just to know what my friends and folks have to speak about me!!

There are days where I’m filled with self doubt!! There are days when I convince myself I’m just not worthy!! And those are the days I wished someone would just tell me “I’m good enough” or “I am sufficient”!!

I know, I know!! I have enough self love that tells me not to be worried by how the world perceives me!! I know I’m a good person and I intentionally mean no harm to anyone!! So I don’t doubt my worth!! But some times I just wanna have someone say it loud if I make their life any better in any way!! It’s just good to hear it!!

That’s what Augustus did in “Fault in our stars”!! It’s good to hear the last words from your closest ones about how better your presence made their life a bit more better!!

Id like to know if I was a friend good enough for you to share your burdens with me as much as I enjoyed cheering you on your happiest moments!! I wanna know if I was a good Co worker enough for we spent most of our waking hours cribbing, laughing and teaming up to get the work done!! I wanna hear that I was a good sibling enough, that you knew how I loved and cared for you and would do anything in my capacity to protect you!! I wanna hear, just once more (and it’s never enough no matter how many times he tells me) that I’ve been a good mom and have done everything in my power to be a good one!! I just wanna hear my parents how proud they’re of me!!

Well it just feels good when someone notices and appreciates that small little things about you, and without even realising, they just paste a big wide smile on your face!!

Why do we wait for someone to pass on to praise them? Why don’t we appreciate what we already have and realise that every moment we get with our loved ones is precious and not wait for that to pass to appreciate what we had??

So make it a point to notice the good in people and point them out too, you never know, it could end up being the “happiest moment” of their day!! And for me, I’m gonna ask my friends to pen me down a eulogy so that I can bookmark it to serve me as a reminder that I do something good in this world!!