Broken Family

People always refer to kids of single parents as kids from “broken homes”.. Every-time I hear the term, it brings a pang of pain since that’s the reference for my son too!!

A broken home is a home that has no peace.. a single parent home is a home that has chosen peace over the contemporary notion of family because you know that the best thing you can do for your child is give them the peace and love they deserve!!

A broken home is a distorted place.. it’s a place that’s filled with chaos and loudness!! And it’s seldom there in a single parent house.. it definitely has its share of chaos but overall there’s laughter and a sense of security!!

The world around makes the child grow up in an environment that keeps pointing out that s/he is growing up in a wrong space since there’s one parent absent.. The kid probably would never have felt anything missing in their lives until people keep repeatedly pointing it out to them..

To make the “broken” house not so broken, it needs everyone around to tie their hands in support of such parents.. they’re trying real hard to do a two person job single handedly, so if you can’t support that endeavour, atleast don’t pour water on their efforts!! Their kids are their main reason to keep them afloat, don’t destroy their self-esteem.. 

Being happily married

People say the fizz dies out in a few months!! Life becomes all about chores and routines!! What else would one talk to the person that knows every bit of you, understands every move of your expression, can complete your thoughts! 

But then I see my parents, when they are towns apart!! How my dad comes home after a long and busy day and casually says, haven’t spoken to my wife today!! How my mom leaves voice notes “I’m leaving for church, don’t have my phone on me” and two hours later “I’ve reached back home”.. They call each other multiple times a day, maybe to talk routines but they do make it a point to check on the other..

They still care despite the 36+ years of marriage.. they still have arguments, they still have differences of opinion, they still tolerate a lot of things about the other, they still adjust to each others choices and routines, and they still have each others backs!! They still worry about the other, they still care for each other, they still support the other!! They are the proof that love might not be the same expression as it was in the early months!! But love stays and the fact that they both long to just get the few minutes with the other proves that happy marriage isn’t a myth, it’s a reality that two people who put efforts wins!! 

Those “Heavy” Thoughts

While travelling the 14km one way ride to n from work on a daily basis, I seldom see women riders..It’s almost always women pillions.. And they feel so comfortable being a pillion than taking up the stress of riding!!

Well that’s a metaphor that most of the women have the privilege of having someone run the house or atleast share the load with!! 

What people don’t realise is that no matter how independent a woman is, she feels a sense of security when she has someone to count on!! Maybe other women don’t, but I definitely know how secure and how motivated I feel when I know someone’s got my back!!

I wanted to go home to my parents for the weekend which sadly didn’t happen since I couldn’t make arrangements for my son.. n I wished, had I had a partner, I could entrust my son n leave..

Had I had a partner, I’d have someone to come home to n vent out about the craziness of the day!!

Had I had a partner, I’d feel taken care of!!

Had I had a partner, I’d feel safe!!

Had I had a partner, I could ask for a hug!!

Had I had a partner, my cortisol n anxiety levels would be in control!!

Had I had a partner, we could joke about absolute nothings or just go around the city on a whim!!

Well, I did have a partner, for over half a decade n those things happened too seldom so maybe it wouldn’t be different even if I had a partner!!

And everytime a lid don’t open or the electrical appliance acts funny or there’s some plumbing issue or my scooter breaks down or has a flat tyre, I don’t have anyone but myself to call up on to get it fixed!! And as liberating as it feels, it also brings about a pang of pain, I wished I had someone to share the mundane!!

Well, life goes on!! N it’s just another downward spiral of thought!! It’s gonna be a better day tomorrow with a more happier thought!!

The five lessons from “The five People you meet in Heaven”

Started out with “Tuesdays with Morrie” since the book looked like an easy read!! And also because many people recommended it; rightly so!!

So a friend recommended to check out “The five people you meet in heaven” and I’m glad she did!! Being a fiction fan, I can never make myself read about life lessons as written by most authors.. feels like a dry read though the lessons are good!! But Mitch Albom weaves it with a story plot which makes the read easy and intriguing!!

Coming back to the book, spoiler alert for the ones interested to read the book, it is the story of a man named Eddie and his encounter with Heaven!! Written beautifully and through alternates of different timelines, it teaches many wonderful lessons about life, especially the reminder of the fact that life is fleeting and we must live each day without remorse and regret!! Also, rightly said, it’s not that “we live only once!! We die only once, we live each moment, so make them count”!!

So as the title speaks, since the story revolves around people you meet in heaven, it starts with the backdrop about Eddie and builds up to hud death..

So as per the story, Eddie wakes up in heaven and is informed that he will be meeting five people on his journey to the eternal life.. the first person he meets is a person he’s met in his childhood but doesn’t really know him.. to cut the story short, he teaches Eddie the valuable lesson that our actions cause a ripple effect, and our actions impact many other lives in ways beyond our comprehension!!

The second person he encounters is his Captain from his time in the military.. Although the captain discloses him a truth that fills him with angst, he also learns a valuable lesson from him that many of the things we enjoy are due to the sacrifices of others and we don’t even realise it!!

The third person that he encounters is a stranger!! She’s the teacher that guides him to the reality that every villain has some redemption arc.. also, keeping grudges does no good!! We spend our whole life hating someone!! It’s lighter on ourselves to let go of the grudge, it just overweighs ourselves!! He hated someone his whole life but the third person helped him see the unseen side of the person which helped him have a different perspective and help him let go of the grudge!!

The fourth person is his beloved, she reminded him that love is still present whether or not they’re physically around!! When you genuinely love someone, the feeling never dies!!

The fifth person was the reason of guilt for all his life, she reminded him that he’s already lived his entire life redeeming himself for his mistake!! We generally beat ourselves with guilt, but more often than not, we’ve carried that guilt far longer than we need to!! And it’s never too late to mend ways n redeem yourself of your mistakes!! We need to learn to forgive ourselves, that’s the most challenging task we generally face!

A short 200 pages book which is barely a half day read and one that ensures you don’t put it down until you’ve completed it!! Worth the read, worth the reminders!! Hopefully some bibliophile finds the review intriguing enough to pick the book too!!

The “Miss Independent”

Man is a social being; and is not designed to spend their life alone!! So imagine being alone and the realisation dawning that this status quo is here to stay!!

Well, I didn’t set out to be alone!! There are days I hoped I could have someone to have my back, someone as my back up!! But I’m immediately reminded of that someone that had my back supposedly but reminded me each moment of the favour he confers by taking care of me and our son!!

So, now, by Gods grace, am in a position where I can fend for myself.. I don’t need anyone to run the errands, don’t have to ask anyone permission to buy me something, can afford to go on those impulse spendings on books, cute nothings or tattoos without too much of a thought!! Can plan trips based on my son’s vacations, without answering a plethora of questions to anyone!! Can eat out, go for movies on whims!! Can spend the weekend in any manner that pleases me!! Can buy the healthier version of things despite it being the expensive one!! Can do things without second thought of financing it (also, I do know my limits so I don’t spend more than what I’ve accounted for! And I also do keep aside a portion for these impulse buyings and lending so that my routines aren’t gone for a toss)!! It feels so much relief to not worry too much of the expenses when there’s a salary inflow assured at the end of the month..

And after the years of toiling hard enough to reach this position, and after those feelings of loneliness subsiding to a great extent, I don’t feel that comfort anymore to lose this found independence for anyone.. I don’t think I can go back to asking permission for anything.. I doubt if I can trust anyone else with our lives because I’m sure they will bring up the topic of how much they’ve to do for us!! 

So the reason why you should choose to be settled in the early years in because you can easily adapt to a life with someone!! Because once you’ve tasted independence, once you’ve learnt to have a life by yourself, you would prefer to live with the loneliness over the repeated pain of heartbreak!!

YOU

I still have a packet of coffee always in the pantry despite never making coffee for myself at home!! All because you always needed a cup of coffee in the morning!!

I still don’t wear a white legging unless I wear it with an uncut kurta because you disapproved it otherwise!!

I still have my butter chakli dipped with schezwan because you got me hooked to it!!

I still sing out loud to Bryan Adams because you and I used to share the music!!

I still weigh myself every morning as a part of habit you n I started..

I still look forward to the long weekends even if you and I don’t make plans to meet anymore.. 

When I see you, I still remember those good old days when we were young before remembering the dread you made my life to be!!

Every year on my birthday, I remember you getting me a cake because that small gesture of yours made me feel so happy!!

I still sing “Love story” and end with a glisten in my eyes, it was a special song for us after all!!

I still keep replacing my fighter fishes and plants because those were a big part of our conversation..

You still are a part of the “good morning” text daily, so much so that I look forward to it!!

You’re still the one I almost end sending my lift pictures on the days I feel good looking at myself in the mirror!!

I still, deep within me, hope you realise how much I loved you and what exactly you miss without me!!

You’re still the one I feel like calling at the end of the day when I just want someone to talk to!! (And the call I refrain from making)

You have been an inevitable part of my journey, some good memories, some habits that still lasts, some breakups that broke me!! But the “you”s are unforgettable.. 

Words of wisdom from the “Not so wise”