Life: Decoding abuse!!

Saturday 1 January 2022

Decoding abuse!!

When a boy ties a piece of thread around a woman’s neck, she believes in a forever companionship and security!! But most of the times the thread symbolises ownership just like that of a collar around a dog!! She remains just a property that gets added to the guy's household; brought home with the sole purpose of running the house and being a care taker!! It’s this ownership that enables men raising hands on their wives “to set them straight”! Well, a property shouldn’t have expectations, shouldn’t have rights, just do what you’re supposed to do!!

People believe that domestic violence is something limited to poor illiterate families, but it’s present so much more around us than we acknowledge! It happens to even the so called modern 21st century feminist!! People often have wondered why would someone stay in a marriage which has abuse, but the reality is that by the time you acknowledge the abuse, it is too long!! You go around for years defending the abuser by calling the scars on your bodies as “kitchen accidents” or “slipped my leg”!!

You never can accept that the one you felt secured with could do anything to hurt you!! You justify the actions and try to change yourself just to not trigger the other person! The realisation that abuse is the abuser’s fault and not the victim’s takes years!! And the worser abuse is the emotional one where you’re manipulated to a point where you don’t even remember what’s true and what’s not!!

Maybe you don’t realise or accept it now but if a man has so far as twisted your arm, pulled you by the hair or threatened to hit you, the next phase of hitting and kicking isn’t too far behind!! And the smart ones are those that knows how to assault you in parts where you can never show anyone!!

Don’t stay in an abusive relationship, it isn’t worth!! Neither emotional abuse nor physical abuse is justified nor should be tolerated because of the vow “till death do us apart” because the abuser has no qualms in bringing death closer for you if you cling on!! The abuser will never change, abuse will not stop either!! They will just find novel reasons to abuse you!!

And guess what, walking out doesn’t give you freedom either!! Because they will definitely ensure that you don’t get peace even then by having a wide variety of stories to emotionally destroy you!! But the peace that comes to your life minus the abuse is worth it!! Takes lots of strength to acknowledge; seek help and get out of an abusive relationship because the abuser will never see anything wrong in what he does so hoping for a change of heart is like hoping for a unicorn!! So stop trying to bring a change in a person other than yourself!!

This new year, put your foot down!! Don’t let him hurt you any more than he already has!! Once you speak up, you realise what you’ve been through is inhuman and gives you the strength to face the rest of it!! The feeling that you’re incomplete and lonely without him should not tie you to him!! Yea, it gets lonely and you will miss a companion but a wrong companion is worse than such loneliness because you don’t feel lonely with a wonderful set of friends and support system that you can make for yourself once you get into the healing process!!

Wishing you a happy new year!!!