My journey with my dad follows the same curve as any dad and his elder daughter!! The eldest girl gets all her ego and hot headedness from her man and they both go cats and dogs at each other!! But they both love each other to bits!!
I believe in love because my man has shown me that I am loved beyond words!! He probably never told me “I love you” but he’s never let an instance go in my growing up days where he didn’t show his love!! Simple things like getting us our favourite food, taking us out to restaurants often as a family - it was a tradition all our childhood.. Going out with dad would be a medu vada for me and masala dosa for my sister at Saroj or porotta or appam at sunny hotel, followed by a walk back home and cornetto from Satish uncles shop.. the kook Chinese place will always mean a lot bcz that’s the place my dad tricked my mom into joining us.. I vividly remember the spring roll and tomato soup I had with croutons.. my dad called up my mom who had refused to join us for the reason that she wasn’t well and didn’t want to come out.. he told her that he didn’t have money on him so plz get some cash.. and that was a complete family dinner, I don’t think my mom felt unwell after the dinner.. it never felt anything grand but now after growing up, I wish to again relive those days and this time cherish and enjoy it to the core!!
I remember my dads trip to Dubai, he called up to ask what we wanted.. I don’t remember what my sister asked for, I asked for a makeup box.. I’m not a person who is fond of make up but maybe I was just fascinated seeing it at someone’s house.. he didn’t ask why does a six year old need make up, and I probably even forgot about it.. but he returned with toys, fancy clothes and my small little make up box.. I still have my husky toy and have never forgotten that float skirt and top with a very fancy sleeve, a type I recently found a kurta and reminded me of that top.. that make up box was used just once in its existence, it was kept away as a memoir until the floods destroyed everything!!
I always know that I could never pester my dad into something, that’s my sisters forte.. she could make puppy eyes and get my dad agree on things.. but for me, if I ever mentioned something, he would get it done even if he says no on the face of it!! I don’t even remember the many things he’s done for me because he never made it into a big deal..
He’s not perfect, don’t get me wrong!! He probably never remembers my birthday even now.. he might not even wish me or just mutter “happy birthday” in the passing.. But he doesn’t stop making each day special.. when I craved for sweet potato during my pregnancy, he bought it from somewhere even though it wasn’t in season!! Everytime he comes from kerala, he asks what do I want!! More often than not I don’t really need anything but he ends up getting things beyond what I have mentioned and those are things I actually would have craved for!! To put things into perspective, his visit today was with a bag full of tapioca, plantain and tender coconut straight from the farm, and his apology is that he had to keep back half the things since he exceeded the luggage capacity.. and he did not forget the banana chips I asked for, added mixture too to the bag..
I know what is love because he’s loved me.. and it’s not about the things he does for me, it is also about giving me the space to be me.. although, given a choice, he would definitely want me way different from who I am now!! But he loves me nonetheless.. despite our disagreements, he still cares for me and looks out for me..
I don’t think he’s a perfect husband though, but he showers love on the people in his life to the core, be it us or our mom.. the man he was while we were growing up is very different from the man he is now, and the man he is now is a very evolved and better person than the man he was while hustling to set up our lives!!
I love this man bcz he has struggled all his life and even now he’s not fully at rest!! And yet, he is changing his ways and thoughts and behaviour to be a better human being rather than wanting the people around him to accustom themselves to him!! He’s a human with his shortcomings, but everytime I see the picture of my parents giggling, smiling and coyly hugging each other and my mom blushing, even after 35 years of marriage, they give relationship goals.. a man that has slogged hard, a woman that stood by him (even when things were not what she wanted) and together they now stand proof to a happy marriage, a marriage I wish everyone has, a marriage with struggles but partners that stands for each other and triumph together, a marriage where they have petty fights but many laughters, stories and can’t stand a day apart without talking to each other!!
This man taught me not to settle for anyone less than a man that can love me the way he loves, treat me with the care he gives, provide and nurture me, support me the way he does!! And that’s the love I manifest because I’ve been loved by this man and even if I forgot it for a brief while, he still does love me and pamper me the way he did when I was a toddler crawling all over him!! It’s a known truth and a pinch on my sister, my dad loves me more than he loves her, he loves me more than he loves anyone including my own kid.. but he loves all of them as much as anyone can ever love someone!! I’m just a bit on a pedestal because he probably spoils me more than he spoils anyone else!! He’s afterall the first man to have really loved me!!
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