Strength

There’s a lot hiding behind that smile!

There’s a load of sorrow behind that strength!!

People see the courage, people appreciate the resilience!!

But nobody can see those long nights that cease to end!!

Nobody understands how hard you try to over accomplish to make up for your insecurities!!

Nobody realises that every uncertainty fills you up with anxiety and you just hope that the earth would just swallow you instead!!

The insomnia, the anxiety, the stress, the insecurity has given the strength to smile again, to brave those feelings and rise again!!

As someone said, just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy! 

But strength lies in smiling despite the pain and carrying on despite the exhaustion!!

Doing something for the first time!!

Do you remember the excitement of the child that saw the mirror for the first time and realised it was their own reflection there??

Do you remember how they cringed nibbling on the lime slice?

Do you recollect how every new sense of smell, sight, feel, taste and hearing made them squeal with joy??

And then they stumbled upon Cocomelon most probably!!

But when did we do something for the first time and enjoy the excitement, fear and every other emotion that comes along? During our Design Thinking class our Professor asked us “When was the last time you did something new?” Luckily a few saved the face of the batch and had learnt something like Salsa etc in the recent past!! But I couldn’t recollect when did I ever take up the challenge of doing something and instead have been trying to make a secured routine for me!!

And then amidst the Project reports, assignments, presentation, case studies and placement comes along the leadership lab which supposedly was to be at Khandala but instead was in such nooks of the campus we’ve never discovered!! Oh yeah, it definitely was colder than Khandala and we did have the whole bunch in it’s best unhinged self which was a pretty good experience!!

But the highlight would definitely be the opportunity to step into the Bhavna’s Nature and Adventure camp where I’ve always seen the peacock welcoming us, amazingly cute dogs tempting me to go and pet them, chipmunks jumping about the whole place and the noises of the different birds within the premise and the wild ones visiting!! This time we not only were allowed to see the many more living beings within the premise (including, not limited to turtles, rabbits, fishes and snakes) but we also were given the first hand experience on many outdoor adventures!!

I’m the kind that turns my back on any activity be it indoor or outdoor!! I vividly remember bowling for the first time!! Everytime we’ve been out, I always back out and let others take the game, but the first time I was asked to try it, I loved it!! But otherwise, I never ever try my hand at anything that involves height or physical exertion!!

Our first activity was Rock climbing!! And for the first time in my life I didn’t feel scared nor felt like running away!! I felt confident to just “try it out” which never has been my first reaction in my whole lifetime!! 25 feet wall seemed impossible, but all I told myself was “do as much as you can, and then two more” and that’s what I did!! I did what I could and then pushed myself two more!! And I did give up when my fingers seemed to give up!! But the security that someone was holding on gave me strength!! I was definitely pulled up a couple of steps but then the feeling of climbing up that podium gave a new sense of confidence!! 

The next was Rappeling!! I trusted gravity to pull me down and so I just let go!! Although in the struggle of climbing down in a certain angle I did lose a shoe and was a pretty laughable incident climbing down with one shoe, I am sure it’s gonna be a memory not just for me but the two that watched my comic and laughed with me!! 

I loved the rifle!! Showed me I have precision because all three shots were almost on the same point though miles (exaggerated) away from the A4 sheet called Target, and yeah it did have markings and bulls eye which I couldn’t ever aim!! Gonna practice shooting though!!

The next thing was team building games which were fun.. And then the whole task of multiple challenging activities which were a mixed bag of excitement, fear and ending with the zipline where I felt so proud of myself for doing all those activities whithout even having a hesitation of a moment.

I have always been a person who likes to be always on the safe ground (which generally means standing on the ground). But I am surprised at myself and even proud that I did not hold back myself and took the leap of "trying it out". There is a great thrill and excitement of doing things for the first time, so why not take some time out to do something that you always have wanted to do!! And yeah, this past year I did many things for the first time, be it singing in public, dancing (and discovering I like them), cooking new recipes and now outdoor activities too.. Life is short, live with no regrets!! Enjoy the thrill and excitement of doing something new, even if it means trying a new cuisine or dish! You may end up feeling happy or learning a lesson, but definitely it is something worth. Peace and love!

How are you?

“Hey, how are you?”

This is the first question in any normal conversation!!

It’s that question none of us answer honestly!!

Hey, I’m broken!! I’m sad, upset and have no energy at life!!

Hey, I’m tired!! Don’t even have the energy to do anything!!

Hey, I’m so in pain, I can literally feel the heaviness and pain in my chest!!

Hey, I have somehow gotten myself up from bed!!

Hey, I’ve not felt peace in a long time!

Hey, I’ve not slept well due to overwhelming thoughts!!

Hey, I’m just scraping it a day at a time!

Hey, I’m holding up barely!!

Yet, we all choose to say,

“Doing well bro, going on!! You say, wassup!! How are you?”

Phoenix - Rising from her ashes

A bird from the Greek mythology but referenced in various documents!!

Ancient Egyptians described her plumage to be golden and red!!

The best story of a Phoenix is about her reincarnation!! There is a version that says that the old bird dies and from the decay comes the new life!! But I want to believe in the dramatic version where she bursts out in flame and a new chick is born from the ashes!!

The flame burning through every essence of existence!

The pain seeping through every strain of life!

The agony wanting to stop the process!

The hope of a new life in horizon!

This is what she goes through when she burns up in flames!

She is a symbol of courage, she is a symbol of transformation!

She is a symbol of hope!

She is a lesson to us!

She is you, she is me,

Everytime we brave through!

So brave through the pain, scream through the agony!

Flame up all you have to!

Because you’ll soar again,

You’re a Phoenix, rising from her ashes!!

Loneliness

We all crave the attention of people!!

We all secretly hope to have someone that can be at our beck and call when we need them, not out of compulsion but because of that deep bond of understanding with them!!

We all know that friends have their priorities and cannot be available for us at all times, and so we need someone that we know will be with us!!

People say that you need others because you don’t love yourself enough!! But no matter how hard you try, you can never find that sense of security holding yourself as much as you find in the arms of someone you had loved!! 

People say that dependence on others is the cause of pain and you need to be independent enough to not crave anything from anyone!! But man is a social animal, cannot survive without the circle!!

People say that you should remember your responsibility because the burden of responsibility generally wakes up the reality!! But some days you just wish for someone to share your burdens with!!

And all these expectations is what generally leads to the biggest pain in life - Loneliness!!

We set certain expectations in life, we fail to reach or get what we expected and the resultant feeling we experience is what we call pain!! The dictionary doesn’t agree though, pain for them is either the physical unpleasant sensation or the excessive care or trouble a person takes!! 

When we go through a terribly emotional phase, the pain radiates to the body too and has physical manifestation, so yes, pain can be emotional or physical!! But why do we put ourselves through this over and over again??

It’s a very human thing to have attachments with people or things and when you are attached to them, you can end up having certain expectations in return!! So when my friend says something rude, my partner makes no time for me, my kid ignores me or if my scooter breaks down, I surely will feel pain (the magnitude falling lower in each case).. 

But can we live without any attachment to people at all? Unless and until we reach the pinnacle of Nirvana, I believe it is not possible.. We still will love people and be there for them. But we need to do it with the disclaimer to ourselves that they may not be there for us when we need them to and that is the risk of pain I am willing to take.. Can't think of life to be quid-pro-quo where others should reciprocate the same way I do.. Yes it will cause pain, yes it will hurt, yes it will trigger all the subsided trauma. But I will still rise once that pain passes.. The disclaimer makes us a bit prepared for the pain so that it doesn't take us by surprise. And the best part of expecting the worst, either you are prepared for that or some people surprise you and is there for you, which I believe is a win-win"er" situation in life..  

Pain has a very bad ring to it!! But it does help us become stronger, it teaches us more about ourselves and helps us face the remainder with more zeal!! But that only happens if you let pain be a lesson than a choice of life!! We all find our own ways to cope with life, we find out measures to protect us, develop our own coping mechanisms (some are self-sabotaging sadly).. But we eventually draw a path that we can tread through this journey of life..

A life without struggles and pain is impossible!! It’s as if life throws over these pebbles when it feels that it’s a bit happy and cozy for us!! So why not pave a way with these pebbles that life is throwing at us? After all, they say, when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade!!

Gratitude

When life seems to go downhill, we only focus on those things that are going bad in our life!! As taught in “Science of Spirituality” (a subject that is mandatory to become a successful manager because it is the emotions that control us over our facts), we tend to get caught up in a tendency to “overgeneralise” and think “bad things always happens to me”.

Looking back, every pain brought with it a lesson!! Though I’d love to go back a decade and be the naive person I was, I wouldn’t be who I am if not for the experiences!! I learnt many lessons on the way.. I learnt that relationship doesn’t last because of the name of the relationship but due to the efforts of the people!! I learnt that people that you believed can never hurt you, does!! I learnt that life is not about fantasies but a series of mundane routine that keeps life going!! I learnt that love is not what you see in movies but finding a sense of security and comfort in the partner!! I learnt that parenthood is a conscious decision each day no matter how hard it gets!!

And amongst all this, I learnt that life is not too bad!! Yes, there are people and experiences that brings you down to your knees.. But it’s never the end of the world no matter how bad it seems!! I still can trust (with the hope of never getting hurt again), still can smile and still can go on.. Because every day I find one little thing that gives me the reason to be thankful for, the person I call my son!! Because each day he reminds me that all my experiences led me to him and I can not imagine my life without him!! 

So when the bad thoughts happen, we forget to hold on to those little moments of gratitude life blesses us with!! And as I keep reminding myself, “look at the bright side of life”, and my bright side just brought me oodles of happiness with his error in his exam sheet!!

(If you didn’t understand what he meant)

I will give my mother water

I will say a story

I will play with my mother

I will study with my mother

I will help my mother tidy my room (though he cleans up after himself)

Although he didn’t get the answer right, I can never thank heavens for giving me him!! I always knew parents love you more than anyone ever can!! But after my kiddo, I guess I’m just too blessed to find such a pure soul that loves me to the core!  And no matter what, I always am and will be thankful for everything that happened in my life because it ultimately gave me my son!! 

Find your little moments of happiness, find your happy corner and your pure bliss of joy!! Life is certainly unfair and there are definitely gonna be moments and days when you feel low!! Remember the goodness in this world , remember the goodness in “your” world and hold on through it!!

Happy Father's Day