Being a woman!!

Melinda Gates has said “A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult.” To quote Sheila Murray Bethel “One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.”

The major part of our life that we need to unlearn and relearn is to exert our voices, to be heard and to be able to reach our potentials without being put down due to our gender!

The times today are changing and no more are women confined to their houses!! With this freedom we need to also be able to vocalise ourselves and know our purpose!! We are in a time when women are getting strong but the society isn’t able to catch up!! It is very necessary that we learn how to be able to bring about a shift in the mindset of the society as well as ourselves: to unlearn a lot of misogynistic thoughts that has been instilled as a part of culture.. Hence it is important that young women be equipped with strength and to be able to be a better version of a person we are!!  We are not given a spirit of fear but that of love , power and self control! 

A strong woman fights for her, a stronger woman fights for others!! We aren’t here to fight but to strengthen and equip ourselves and to be able to adapt into this changing society! For people that says “women are weaker”, yes we may be a bit weaker in the physical attributes but definitely not so weak when it comes to emotional strength!! We do have the strength to smile at the face of a storm!! And you know what, we can also Multi task as well as deal with things in a more empathetic manner (our inherent caring nature you see)!!

As Marie Curie states “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”

Happy Valentine's Day

The month of February is called the month of Love because 1 out of the 4 weeks of the month has been widely commercialised as the week of "Love". This is the week when chocolates, soft toys, jewellery websites and even celebrities pop up to remind us of the feeling of "Love".  Being a romantic and a hardcore Nicholas Sparks fan has made me look forward to this day..

Valentine's Day was supposed to be a reminder to tell your significant other about your feelings for them.. Valentine’s Day started in memory of St Valentine who was martyred on Feb 14!! Archie’s took over and made the whole world join in the celebration of this memory as the day of love!! And a further boost to the business by adding chocolate, teddy, rose, propose, hug etc. as prequel celebration to the celebration of love!! However, the shift from Valentine's day to Valentine's week has made the season lose its essence. It is a very popular knowledge that Valentine's is now nothing but a marketing gimmick reminding people to express their love through materials. I am in no way against a public display of love or a grand expression of feelings, but it should not be aimed at gaining public attention but a genuine display of love.

Life without the significant other on a day when everyone flaunts love pinches a bit!! It reminds you of the pain you have finally healed from(the gratitude of losing something toxic failing to pop up), puts the flashbacks of those happy times and the milestones you’ve celebrated and ends up with that picture of a broken you at the end of that phase!! That’s when you should remember there’s so many more people that can resonate with you and love you, if not that one person!!

Love is a beautiful feeling: a feeling of security and warmth, a feeling of comfort, a feeling of being vulnerable yet safe!! Love for us is generally taught to be “a significant other” that is supposed to provide us with all of these feelings!! All our romantic movies and these amazing writers makes it so believable that there’s someone that walks into your life and makes it worthwhile!! But I believe love need not be just one person, it could be a bunch of people we call friends!! They don't judge or make you insecure, always support you, reprimand you if needed and always have your back!! When you’re low, just a catch-up or a quick call can turn your frown upside down!! They know you more than you know yourself!! 

Also, one very overlooked love is self-love which many of us struggle with!! Looking at the mirror I see my flaws and I find very difficult to be able to love myself!! I know my quirks, my hidden self which isn’t the best face of me!! Then I wonder how can others love me if I can’t love my own self!! I have accepted my flaws, working on my shortcomings to become a better person than what I am!! And during the times of my self doubt, I am constantly reminded of being loved by a lot of people, the biggest one being my youngest supporter whom I call my son!!

This Valentine’s Day may not be easy!! Maybe the long distance is taking a toll on your relationship, maybe you’ve not found your significant other yet, maybe you’ve lost someone that once was your significant other!! Maybe everything is well and you’re with your love!! Whatever maybe your situation, there’s love beyond a person, there’s love beyond a reason, there’s love beyond the pain, there’s love meant for us!! So let’s just cherish the feeling and enjoy the day!! Don’t forget, love in all forms is beautiful!! And if you still struggle to find love, step out and feed a stray; they’ll display you selfless love no human can ever give!!

Happy valentines!!

Reflective best self

It was an assignment that was compulsory for us!! I fretted at the fact that I need to ask people about me but who doesn’t like compliments!! Given a chance to hear good about you that too at the expense of the college was a chance I readily cashed in on!!

So I started with sending out a message to people to fill up a simple google form!! I initially dropped a message but a wise person advised me to collate the same in a google form instead to organise it in an uncomplicated manner!! And man, I have been smiling ever since I started getting the first response!

If not for the assignment I wouldn’t ever bother to ask anyone about their opinion about me nor do many ever come over to compliment on your character as such!! People do compliment when you dress well or maybe someone that gets to know you may comment and compliment on your character but it isn’t too often that happens!! But this exercise reminded me to compliment others often too!! 

Everyone is battling their own things in their own ways, some we know of and others we don’t!! There are so many instances of weakness in my life and I’ve been blessed to find support in my tribe through it!! And guess what, it’s majorly the same people that has commented on my strengths saying “confident, positive attitude” when they are the ones that give me that strength!!

I never realised what picture I portrayed to others!! This exercise helped me know what my friends, colleagues and peers thought of me!! And served as a gentle reminder to compliment someone when I see their strengths because what I noticed good about them maybe something they don’t even know about!!

So cheers to spreading positivity and me back to assignment backlogs!! And just for fun, why not do this exercise yourself and ask your people to compliment you!! Because those words stay etched and can be used as a reminder of your strengths!! 

Decoding abuse!!

 

Hope!!

Close to 5 years ago, when I felt life was at my worst, I climbed on to my terrace wanting to end my pain and loneliness!! Depression had taken roots and life didn’t seem worth it when I felt like a total loser!! All I knew at that time was everything would be better if only I left!! But luckily for me, the maternal instinct saved me since my urge of protecting and nurturing my child took over and I had the sense to walk down knowing that nobody can and will love my son like I do!!

Today when I finally had the courage to step up there, the place where I last had the thought of killing myself, I realise that not everyone has the kind of after thought when they think about this decision!! Life seems to become peaceful when you end it, but it doesn’t happen so in reality!! You escape your problem but there’s a better way to do it, that is to fight it!! 

You think you don’t have the strength, you think you’re at your worst!! You think that people that were to be there for you put you in your worst hole and left you there without any afterthought or guilt and there’s no hope left!! But having been through it, I know for sure, even if the person that mattered the most leaves or hurts you, you still can make it through!! It is painful, takes years and tears and a lot of will power and support to make it out!! But it isn’t impossible!!

Healing is a journey!! It is normal if you’re not ok, nobody always is!! But don’t stay there!! Take your time to get over it!! Because you’re stronger than what you realise and you can make a better tomorrow for yourself!! 

Until then, this sunrise here will remind you “it’s always the darkest before dawn!!” Clicking this symbol of hope from the darkest moment of life is my way of telling you that there’s hope no matter what you think!! Don’t lose it!! Rest if you must but don’t quit!! 

Takes a hell lot of strength to kill yourself because the natural tendency is to fight for life (as a friend once told, jump into the water and you’ll realise that your body will fight to come up to the surface), it takes a bit more strength to face and fight your fears And pain!! 

Reach out to anyone you trust; trustworthy support system is essential to help you come out!! Sending Strength, love and hope your way!! #suicideprevention #mentalhealthawareness

Hey you!!

Hey you, the woman that has been crushed by the societal definition of “women”!!

It’s time to stand up straight and redefine  the roles of women!!

Hey you, the woman that has sacrificed her dreams and wishes!!

It’s time to prioritise yourself as much as others!!!

Hey you, the woman that was abused and beaten and still hid her scars!!

It’s not you that should be ashamed, don’t you hide!!

Hey you, the woman that tolerated everything!!

It’s time to roar your pain to teach others not to be silent!!

Hey you, the woman that has been called a gold digger for asking for your worth!!

The world has labels of all sort, only you know your own worth!! Don’t settle for less!!

Hey you, the woman that believed that silence will make others realise your worth!!

You were naive, they only took you for granted.. it still isn’t late to start afresh!!

Hey you, the woman that tried to fit into the so called duties of women!!

Well, it’s upto us to remove those gender associations to those duties!!

Hey you, the woman that feels lost and tired!!

Take a break, shed a tear but don’t lose your life on it!! Better days will come, wipe away the tears!!

Hey you, the woman that is a strong willed person!!

It’s you that inspires every other woman to be strong!! So keep inspiring!!!

Parenthood - The most selfless journey, or is it??

It is very true that parenthood is the most selfless journey where you love and care for someone else with every last breath to every single cell, whrere your life revolves around them, where nothing besides them matters. But is it as selfless as people claim to be?

Why do i say parenting is selfish? Sure, there were and are times where parents want kids to live and behave in a manner that they desire and not appreciate the individuality of the kid's choices. That is not the selfishness i refer to.. I refer to the reason of "being parents" to be selfish.. As much as the love and responsibility involved in the journey of parenting is selfless, but the reason of parenthood is very selfish!! I know, i know, being a mother myself i will openly admit it! We are not in the generation where kids just happen; we plan, pray, prepare and get treatment to bring a life to earth. But why do we bring this little life to earth on the first place?? When you become a parent you realise another extent of love, not just the love you give but also the love you receive. 

When my parents were younger, the more the number of children would mean more stomachs to feed in the short run but more hands to earn in the long run.. But our generation limits the kids to the extent where we are sure to provide them the best life as per our capabilities. 

 Many of the couples opt for kids because of "societal / parental pressures". But the rest that chooses parenthood is because they wish to take the next step in life and have a purpose for their life. They wish to love someone deeply and unconditionally, have a reason to look forward to, have that joy and struggles associated with this journey called parenthood. Yes, life from that point onwards changes beyond expectation. The journey requires lots of love, patience, strength and coffee / wine to carry you through those difficult nights.. But the only reason you actually bring about a baby in this world is for your emotional need.

This is really nasty to hear it out loud and to think so of parents in this limelight. But this is the truth. Yes, most of the parents love and dote on their kids and provide them with the best they can afford to provide. Yes, they know and believe they have the best of intentions in their heart for their kids. Yes, this one thought is totally devastating on the picture perfect "parenthood" that we all imagine of. But truth is not always sweet is it? 

 Coming to my personal journey, i was too young to even understand why i craved to be a mother. Conceiving my son at 23 was because I felt an emotional hollow and wanted it to be filled. And it is completely filled and overflowing every day i have the kid around. There is love, there is fights, there is arguments and occasional hitting too, there is laughter and giggles, tickles and games : life has a purpose with him around. It is an all encompassing emotional ride which started with selfishness but continues only due to selfless love!!