Loss

We always associate new year with new beginnings.. However we don't realize that just like beginnings there are ends too!!

The first ever loss I experienced is that of my cousin.. I was too young, probably around 5.. Didn't really comprehend what death is but only understood that it made my mom cry bitterly and later understood that I can never see him or play with him again.. I lost one of my grandmas but I was only 2 then and didn't know anything.. Then came my both my grandpas and I regretted that we hardly have spent time with them..

The death that shook me up the most was my uncle's.. Because I never really realized that there could be such an unexpected death.. Accidents were supposed to affect "others", never expected someone "ours" to be in that place.. It shook all of us to the core, I haven't seen my dad so depressed, never seen an entire family so upset.. That death was and is a nightmare.. I met him just few days back, was sure to meet him again.. Never realized that it may be with him being so still and me crying with regret!! 

Loss isn't just death of near and dear ones.. It's also of those things that occupy an equivalently important place in our lives called pets!! We lost two barely few weeks old white kittens who were born outside our house and we decided to adopt them in the absence of their mom.. They were killed by another cat and we did want to hurt the murderer but couldn't.. We've lost a parrot and dog too (who was stolen by a boy)!! But the death of the goldfishes recently hurt me a lot since they died right in front of my eyes!! I could see them go from swimming around to barely breathing and staying alive to being dead and I could do nothing to help them.. That too one after the other!! I felt so helpless, just like I felt when my parrot fell on the ground and it slowly passed away!! It was like all the childhood pains coming to life!!

I can't help but sympathise with the medical staff.. Just like I felt helpless seeing my pets pass away in front of my eyes while all I could do was just watch and hope that they get better, even the medical staff maybe feeling the same seeing so many people losing life but being helpless.. It's the worst feeling I've experienced!!

The feeling of pain passes, life still goes on.. But that pain is easily triggered by a random scene or a thought of something that takes you back.. Loss is only accepted and we move on, it never helps heal the wound and recover!!