Random thoughts_44

People always say "Don't be too happy, don't flaunt your happiness : it gets jinxed"

Can't understand why would anyone have a problem seeing a happy soul???

Social Animal

There's a deep fear in knowing that you may end up alone for life!! There's an uncertainty when you had an expectation about how your life would look like and it suddenly crashes!! But that's the most difficult situation to face : to stay in a familiar, uncomfortable, painful zone or take the plunge "Into the unknown!"

Maybe life could get worse than now.. Maybe life could get better than now.. But the reason the mind is exploring the pros and cons is because it's unsettled at its current situation!!

We are social animals and we need a society.. But more than a society, we have been trained to have a certain person whom we put on a pedestal to be with us through thick and thin!! It may last for few, some may live with it, some may struggle with it and some maybe tired of it!! 

There's a lot of reason why people work on a relationship.. The fear of being alone shouldn't be the reason to be in one though!! When you know deep inside that the relationship feels like a struggle, when you know that the feeling of security, comfort, love isn't there anymore (and you definitely deserve it), it's time to take the final bow.. 

Relationship isn't all giggles and fun.. Its also struggles and fights.. Its the feeling of comfort to be yourself, to share your deepest thoughts, hidden fears, expose your vulnerability, show that devil out (nobody can hide their demons for too long) and yet have that feeling of security that despite the fights, despite the tears, despite the anger, you still find a way with each other..

You shouldn't make "efforts" to make a relationship work.. As rightly corrected, when you feel you're putting efforts, you've already made it feel like a chore.. It should come from within that you do a little bit extra for that special someone to make them realize that they indeed are special!! 

That feeling of loneliness, missing that "someone special" shouldn't be the reason why we end up settling for whoever we meet or settle back into familiarity!! One thing that loneliness does teach is to finally be comfortable with yourself.. Unless and until you enjoy your own company, you cannot be a good company to another person!!!

Its OK to be scared, its OK to be sad.. It just proves you're doing something that many may not.. Some days are fun and the lows after that is depressing!! But you've got what it takes to sail through it.. Sprinkle some joy on your way, sprinkle some love on your way, watch your world unfurl into something beautiful since you didn't just settle for your life but instead you created yours!!!

I'm tired!!

I'm tired of the pretence!!

I'm tired of the mask!!

I'm tired of being sad and having no place to crash!!

I'm tired of being happy when in reality its just a lie!!

I'm tired of the smiles when all I do is cry!!

I'm tired of life, makes no sense to live!!

Yet everyday I focus on things to strive!!

I'm tired of the fact that there's no person to rely on!!

When the truth is that I fear being someone's burden!!

I'm tired of the many things in my "to-do-list"

But never motivated enough to get them off the list!!

Yes I'm tired, beyond a comprehension!!

Yet, seems life will never relieve me of my tensions!!

Merry Christmas

Christmas is all about UNTANGLING!!

Untangle the knots in your heart: the hatred, the fears!!.

And also, untangle the knots in the wires and Christmas trees!!!

#Season'sGreetings!! #ChristmasIsHere 

Random thoughts_43

When I need something, I seldom search and yell out to my mom "Mom, I can't find it!!"

Now I've got a kid who can't find something staring right at his face until I give it to him in his hands!!! 

#MomLife

Random thoughts_42

My feelings for you didnt eff away overnight.. It vanished over the years when you taught me to live without you..

Thanks for that love, you made walking away easier since I know to manage without you already!!

#Me too!!

I was barely 6 or 7 when a guy I played with used the opportunity while playing hide and seek to rub himself against me in the dark!!! I never realized what had happened but never again have I felt safe in the dark!!

I was around 12 when a guy tried barging into a public toilet behind me.. I never understood why he ran or why people gathered but I know I was shaking and scared.. So scarred that I still don't go to a public toilet most of the time!!

I was barely 15 when a person who was my dad's friend, whose daughter is couple years younger to me touched me inappropriately when we almost were drowning during 26/07 floods.. I've never seen that man since then!!

I was 17 when a man took out his man part n rubbed it on me in a moving bus and I was too stunned to speak.. 

I was 19 when i was asked out for a night by someone older than my dad just because I was at a bus stop at 9 pm after class.. And since then I'm never at such places without a company..

I was 23, dressed as a married woman with all the accessories that shows my marital status and someone had the audacity to grope me and gesture me things!! And I could only just check on myself whether I was revealing something that made him do it!!

I was 25 with a baby in my arms and someone still touches me inappropriately in a crowd..

I have been groped.. I have been looked at lewdly.. I've been asked out by men on vehicles as if calling a call girl.. And I've been trained to check on myself rather than reacting.. I've been asked to stay indoors rather than being a victim.. I've been asked to look away than instigate.. I've been trained to use dupatta, bag and umbrella to make a small little "keep safe distance" arena around me!! 

I am 28, a mom, an extrovert and a fearless woman.. And I still have that 6 year old still being on a perpetual alert mode watching out for possible attacks!! And until the daughters of today doesn't have to carry a pepper spray or keep vigil, we aren't safe yet!!

Random thoughts_41

When I was yours, I hoped you would love me back..

When I threatened to leave, I hoped you'd stop me back!!

When I left, I hoped you would call me back!!

And now that I'm done, why do you want me back??