Happily Divorced!!

Facebook posts the relationship status of "In a Relationship", "Engaged" and "Married" with a default sharing option to "Everyone" or "Friends of friends".. But when you change it to " Single", "Separated" or "Divorced", the default setting is "Only me".. 

It shows how proud and happy we are to flaunt being with someone but its not a happy news getting out of a relationship!! I've personally seen people married for decades cribbing about their significant other every chance they get.. They are unhappy with each other, have frequent brawls (or no communication at all in some couples) and have kids seeing this and being affected.. Yet when one wants to break out of such a marriage, they come over and convince you "See, we have been through what you are going through.. But we are supposed to adjust and Sacrifice.. That's what we women should do in order to maintain a family.. Think about your child, do you want them to grow fatherless?? So what the father is not around, the world doesn't need to know it.. You need to compromise and make it work.." 

How often do we consider bearing abuse as the ultimate form of sacrifice?? What did you get being with someone for twenty - thirty years but never being happy with each other?? What did you get WASTING that life of yours and destroying the idea of love and marriage for the coming generation?? Either your kids grow up to be the dominant one or the oppressed one.. When do they learn what is a healthy relationship??

In a healthy happy family, parents argue.. They will have difference of opinions, will have occasional raised voice and a skipped dinner.. But they have smiles, happiness, conversation and a bond.. There may be dull times, there may be difficult times.. But they bounce back from the downs, they hold each other up, be strong during the other's weakness, nurture the sick one to health, support the other's dreams and be there without being asked to!! Its a commitment that needs to be adhered all life long!!

If that happiness is missing for a short while, you can think of it as a phase and be strong through it.. But it if that becomes your everyday routine, reminding the other of your existence as a human becomes a daily chore, if the other person cannot even grant you the liberty of being genuinely Happy, then its not worth it!!

You don't have any obligation to anyone to maintain a marriage where nobody is happy.. You don't owe any explanation about how much you have tolerated.. You don't have to prove your efforts in making the marriage work!! All you need to ensure is that you're happy taking the decision and that the decision is made for you by you (and subsequently the children are secured and happy).. 

Maybe the problem solely was between the parents and both parents doted on the kids.. So do they need to stay together being unhappy just so that they can be with their kid?? There are so many couples in limelight that has already proved that marriage dissolution doesn't lead to dissolution of parenthood.. Just like them even commoners can find a way out to ensure the kids get love, attention and time from both parents alongside the parents who find their own happiness after the end of the marriage!! Win-win situation for all if you can find a mature solution to your problems!!

Marriage isn't a day's fun fare and pomp.. It is the whole of your life time together.. Vowing "till death do us apart" shouldn't be to hope for death of your partner to get out of an unhappy marriage.. That vow has a lot of addendum to it.. If you cannot ensure your partner is loved, cared, protected and nurtured, the marriage is already dead.. No point sticking together in a dead marriage because of a vow.. A wilted plant can be restored; a dead one cannot be revived!! 

Water the "love" to protect it from dying but if it's already dead, have the sense to walk out!! Remember your vows and abide by them.. But when the feelings are long gone, don't stay unless your heart wants you to!! Staying together for the world is a convenience to avoid the confrontation with them!! But the internal conflict of staying in that lonely marriage will kill you more than the words, glances or snide remarks of the world once you walk out of it!! Dealing with the world is far easier than with an unhappy self!! Its better to be HAPPILY DIVORCED than UNHAPPILY MARRIED!!