Happy Father's Day

 

Break the Bias!

How happy can a single mother be? How can a mother be able to provide stern guidance to a growing-up boy without a father? How can a woman run a house and look after the kid without a husband? How can a woman feel secure without a man? How can someone with a broken academic chart make something for herself after almost a decade? How can someone with a broken marriage face life? Well, these are queries thrown on me when my decision of walking out of an abusive marriage came out in the public. Being from a close-knit Christian community has some drawbacks in the form of well-wishers who mean well but doesn’t realise how outdated their outlook about success and happiness is. Gone are the times of “adjusting” and “tolerating” an abusive husband just because you get a social acceptance of having a family. ! 

Mi Fuerza, Mi Vida, Mi Amor : Mi Hijo!!

Hey my boy,

It’s so fast that time has passed!! I remember vividly the excitement of finding those “double lines” on the test strip!! I remember the butterfly flutters inside me when you moved!! I totally remember the sleepless nights, swellings and aches I felt when pregnant!! I can never forget the endless hours and pain at the hospital!! But what I don’t remember is how you grew up so fast!!I don’t remember how did time fly so fast that a tiny little being snuggled under my arms is now a pretty grown up boy, still snuggling under my arm!! 

I can never claim of being a great parent!! I’ve failed as a mother all along, I've made many mistakes.. I experimented parenting on you!! But you gave me a hug or smile and so much of love that it made me want to be a better parent!! People say that parents raise kids, I would say that it’s a two sided street!! Parents impart life skills to kids, parents learn about life and love from them!!

You taught me what forgiveness is, because I could hold grudge forever but you taught me how easier it is to forget the hurt! There are times I’ve removed my frustrations on you, reacted badly under pressure from other things!! Yet, you never once stayed angry on me!! Rather you would make it a point to be the first one to initiate a hug when I apologise!! 

You’ve  grown up a bit more quicker and mature than what you should have!! I was almost a kid when I had you; both of us grew up in these years!! I did not know anything about parenting despite having read millions of text on the same!! The practical part of parenting is dealing with life and learning on the go!! Both, you and I, grew up and is figuring life as we go on!! 

I have always told, and will always boast about how it is you that saved me, gave me strength, gave me love!! You are the reason I face life with a smile, you are the reason I have a motivation to face yet another day!! People say I am strong, well, a lioness always protects her cubs.. And I have enough reasons to be strong having you with me!!  

You are everything I am proud of. I am so happy to see you growing up each day into a wonderful human being. Every time you show your loving, caring, gentle side, I beam with pride for doing something right in life.. You happened to me at a time I was not ready for you, but I am glad such a happy accident happened.. Although parenting is a daily struggle, the satisfaction and love in return is worth it.. As I always tell all my young parents, "Cherish the days.. The days seems long but the years seem short". I can't believe you are turning 7 in a couple of months.. Time definitely has flown!! I am sure some day you will be grown up to read this letter and comprehend it, until then, stay this young, cute, bubbly ball of love for a bit more longer!! 

Mi fuerza, mi vida, mi amor!!

Being a woman!!

Melinda Gates has said “A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult.” To quote Sheila Murray Bethel “One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.”

The major part of our life that we need to unlearn and relearn is to exert our voices, to be heard and to be able to reach our potentials without being put down due to our gender!

The times today are changing and no more are women confined to their houses!! With this freedom we need to also be able to vocalise ourselves and know our purpose!! We are in a time when women are getting strong but the society isn’t able to catch up!! It is very necessary that we learn how to be able to bring about a shift in the mindset of the society as well as ourselves: to unlearn a lot of misogynistic thoughts that has been instilled as a part of culture.. Hence it is important that young women be equipped with strength and to be able to be a better version of a person we are!!  We are not given a spirit of fear but that of love , power and self control! 

A strong woman fights for her, a stronger woman fights for others!! We aren’t here to fight but to strengthen and equip ourselves and to be able to adapt into this changing society! For people that says “women are weaker”, yes we may be a bit weaker in the physical attributes but definitely not so weak when it comes to emotional strength!! We do have the strength to smile at the face of a storm!! And you know what, we can also Multi task as well as deal with things in a more empathetic manner (our inherent caring nature you see)!!

As Marie Curie states “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”

Happy Valentine's Day

The month of February is called the month of Love because 1 out of the 4 weeks of the month has been widely commercialised as the week of "Love". This is the week when chocolates, soft toys, jewellery websites and even celebrities pop up to remind us of the feeling of "Love".  Being a romantic and a hardcore Nicholas Sparks fan has made me look forward to this day..

Valentine's Day was supposed to be a reminder to tell your significant other about your feelings for them.. Valentine’s Day started in memory of St Valentine who was martyred on Feb 14!! Archie’s took over and made the whole world join in the celebration of this memory as the day of love!! And a further boost to the business by adding chocolate, teddy, rose, propose, hug etc. as prequel celebration to the celebration of love!! However, the shift from Valentine's day to Valentine's week has made the season lose its essence. It is a very popular knowledge that Valentine's is now nothing but a marketing gimmick reminding people to express their love through materials. I am in no way against a public display of love or a grand expression of feelings, but it should not be aimed at gaining public attention but a genuine display of love.

Life without the significant other on a day when everyone flaunts love pinches a bit!! It reminds you of the pain you have finally healed from(the gratitude of losing something toxic failing to pop up), puts the flashbacks of those happy times and the milestones you’ve celebrated and ends up with that picture of a broken you at the end of that phase!! That’s when you should remember there’s so many more people that can resonate with you and love you, if not that one person!!

Love is a beautiful feeling: a feeling of security and warmth, a feeling of comfort, a feeling of being vulnerable yet safe!! Love for us is generally taught to be “a significant other” that is supposed to provide us with all of these feelings!! All our romantic movies and these amazing writers makes it so believable that there’s someone that walks into your life and makes it worthwhile!! But I believe love need not be just one person, it could be a bunch of people we call friends!! They don't judge or make you insecure, always support you, reprimand you if needed and always have your back!! When you’re low, just a catch-up or a quick call can turn your frown upside down!! They know you more than you know yourself!! 

Also, one very overlooked love is self-love which many of us struggle with!! Looking at the mirror I see my flaws and I find very difficult to be able to love myself!! I know my quirks, my hidden self which isn’t the best face of me!! Then I wonder how can others love me if I can’t love my own self!! I have accepted my flaws, working on my shortcomings to become a better person than what I am!! And during the times of my self doubt, I am constantly reminded of being loved by a lot of people, the biggest one being my youngest supporter whom I call my son!!

This Valentine’s Day may not be easy!! Maybe the long distance is taking a toll on your relationship, maybe you’ve not found your significant other yet, maybe you’ve lost someone that once was your significant other!! Maybe everything is well and you’re with your love!! Whatever maybe your situation, there’s love beyond a person, there’s love beyond a reason, there’s love beyond the pain, there’s love meant for us!! So let’s just cherish the feeling and enjoy the day!! Don’t forget, love in all forms is beautiful!! And if you still struggle to find love, step out and feed a stray; they’ll display you selfless love no human can ever give!!

Happy valentines!!

Reflective best self

It was an assignment that was compulsory for us!! I fretted at the fact that I need to ask people about me but who doesn’t like compliments!! Given a chance to hear good about you that too at the expense of the college was a chance I readily cashed in on!!

So I started with sending out a message to people to fill up a simple google form!! I initially dropped a message but a wise person advised me to collate the same in a google form instead to organise it in an uncomplicated manner!! And man, I have been smiling ever since I started getting the first response!

If not for the assignment I wouldn’t ever bother to ask anyone about their opinion about me nor do many ever come over to compliment on your character as such!! People do compliment when you dress well or maybe someone that gets to know you may comment and compliment on your character but it isn’t too often that happens!! But this exercise reminded me to compliment others often too!! 

Everyone is battling their own things in their own ways, some we know of and others we don’t!! There are so many instances of weakness in my life and I’ve been blessed to find support in my tribe through it!! And guess what, it’s majorly the same people that has commented on my strengths saying “confident, positive attitude” when they are the ones that give me that strength!!

I never realised what picture I portrayed to others!! This exercise helped me know what my friends, colleagues and peers thought of me!! And served as a gentle reminder to compliment someone when I see their strengths because what I noticed good about them maybe something they don’t even know about!!

So cheers to spreading positivity and me back to assignment backlogs!! And just for fun, why not do this exercise yourself and ask your people to compliment you!! Because those words stay etched and can be used as a reminder of your strengths!! 

Decoding abuse!!