Happily ever afters!!

I just wonder, how can someone really ignore someone they love?? I still check on him, his last seen on messenger, seeing him online since he deactivated the last seen on whatsapp.. I hope that in the hours of him being online, he may Atleast type something, whether or not he sends.. I hope he too wants to talk to me but is hesitant like me.. I hope he too misses me, like I miss him.. I hope he too fears the pain n loneliness like I do.. I hope he too is going through the same physical emotional trauma I'm going through because I still love him.. It's so difficult to even make myself understand.. I'm still hanging on a hope.. I still hope he comes n pulls me into a hug n we make this work once again.. Time n time again I've been proved wrong, time n time again I've gone through this agony cycle.. But I still can't make myself break it.. Entire day I portray a strong woman, but in this lonely hours, I'm a vulnerable person who needs assurance n comfort.. I stay up every night for a long time, just hoping he'll msg n I don't miss it.. I see him online on whatsapp n messenger, hoping a msg comes my way.. I feel so ashamed, I feel like a fool.. I just don't wanna learn my lesson.. This idiot heart still hopes for a happily ever after!!!

This too is marriage!!

I love you just as much as I loved you then..
But I don't need you as much as I needed you then!!

I'll be there for you whenever you need me..
But you'll not be the one I need whenever I'm in trouble!!!

I'll tell you everything that concerns me..
But you'll not be the one that I share my excitement and joy or my sorrows and pain with!!

I promise you my respect and loyalty..
But not the kind of adoration and awe I had!!!

I'll hold your hand in difficult times, help you out in your difficulty and help you smile when low..
But not cause I love you the same, but since you were my world once upon a time!!

I will be your family when you need one..
But you'll not be considered as my family in my heart!!

Yes, we are a couple for the world, maybe a happy one at that..
But we stay two individuals under the pretence and will stay so!!

What do women want?

What do women want?? A complicated question that people are direly trying to figure.. Let's see:

1. A woman wants to feel appreciated (most important)

2. A woman wants to feel loved. (just as important as #1)

3. A woman wants to feel attractive (Yup, say it more, we love an honest praise)

4. A woman wants to feel supported (yes, no matter how strong we portray ourselves)

5. A woman likes to know that she's a reason of happiness and pride for the one's she loves!!

6. A woman likes surprises and to surprise!! (don't you ever foil her plan)

7. A woman likes to make her own decision and be a part of yours too..

8. A woman wants to be encouraged when things are overwhelming.. Just "it's OK, you can do it" gives her the strength to move mountains..

9. A woman doesn't *emphasis on doesn't * like to be called nagging, irritating OR controlling and definitely not a "cry baby "!!!! Yes, there are times we are low and it's the hormones.. Don't make it worse!!

10. Lastly, yet not the least, A woman wants to eat everything that makes her lips smack but without them piling on her hips!!!

Not an exhaustive list, just a glimpse of what we want!!!

A little examples of what we want;

I guess we women want our guy to just hug us from behind when we least expect it, it makes us feel loved..

A small peck on the forehead, again shows love..

Pulling us closer to themselves in front of people which shows love, pride and admiration..

Her guy to know that she's actually going through that time of the month so try to be extra nice and thoughtful..

To share the load in house and in emotion..

The date

She had convinced herself it's just another day.. Live the routine, end the day... But the nudge in the heart grew stronger when the clock etched closer to 12.. It was her anniversary.. She reminded herself to keep her feelings in check.. She knew all the she would get is "happy anniversary " or a long post on social media.. She reminded herself that it's only words and few wishes, rest of the day stays the same..

But when the date approached, she felt a lump in her throat.. She felt the fear of loneliness creeping inside her.. He was physically away but now, even mentally he was distant.. She longed for him, his presence and love.. But she knew better, it's nothing special.. The feelings effed away ages ago.. Staying together seemed just a way to please the world.. She reminded herself that the cold she felt was not so much because of the winters and much as it is due to loneliness.. She reminded herself that her fruitless efforts to rekindle the flame called love has been nipped in the bud..

She reminded herself this day comes annually.. All she needs to do is work extra hard to let this day pass.. Loneliness has been a friend who just needs to be accepted..

From fidato to inaffiadable

You became my confidante over time, building trust bit by bit, stepping right in when I needed you the most.. You stepped in when my friends walked out.. You stepped in when I was at my lowest.. You became my trust in life.. You became my best friend.. You became my "Fidato"

Now I keep questioning how true all that was.. I keep asking why is it that I'm remembered only when you need something.. I question my blindness and naiveté towards life.. I question how innocently I believed the world to be only black and white not knowing about the greys.. I question how I couldn't see that the world doesn't treat you for how you treat the world..

You've make me question my choices.. You've made me question ME.. Now it's time for me to be lonely, looking at the life ahead without a flicker of the light of hope.. I wonder how the one I felt helped me out of my perceived darkness could push me  into this darkness called life..

I felt I found my happy place but just realised it was all in my head!!

Listen, at least once!!

There is someone we all know about, someone who has changed drastically, someone who seems a lot different than before, someone you feel has lost their spark.. You ask them what's wrong and they say it's just routine or exhaustion.. Please give them a nudge, they may have a lot to talk but just can't do it..

Yes, you see them smile, you see them talk, you feel everything is normal but something feels amiss.. They are faking it.. That smile is a fake, that normalcy is fake, that's all a pretence to feel one in the crowd.. They are searching for someone who they can share their burden with, someone to just unload their pain.. But still, inspite of someone coming forward to talk, they shut themselves up.. You think it's such a Paradox, how can someone who wants to talk not do so when someone offers to hear..

But thats how paradoxical Depression makes you behave..It breeds on your negative memories, conquering your conciousness, depriving you of clarity and leaving you alinged with an opaque feeling.. It's like the dementors of Harry Potter series, sucking out your good thoughts.. 

This opaque feeling builds on your thoughts 

exponentially paralysing your thought process resulting into a state of constant unsettlement.. You know it's in your head but you can't get it out.. It shuts you off from the world, makes you feel like a robot doing chores and duties.. You feel numb, lifeless, monotonous.. Gradually making you your own enemy.. 

Next time you see someone having changed drastically, try to talk to them.. In a fast paced life, sparing a few minutes to listen is the biggest gift we can give.. Going for therapy is not something that everyone can do.. But talking to a friend is possible.. They may be rude, turn you down or disown your words. Stick around, they will surely open up..  We can be real friends in their time of despair.. Hear them, nudge them and give them the comfort they require to share their hearts..

Let us decide to be there for someone we know who needs us. Let us phase this monster out.. Let us get the genuine happiness back in the life of our friend.. Let us be a friend before they conspire against themselves!!!

Blog by "thegreatzero" (presently "https://angelicones.blogspot.com/") (Rajakumar Thevar)and "phoenixrisingfromtheash.blogspot.com" (BB)

Maa ka haath ka khaana

 Today while making pasta for my son, seeing his excitement and impatience checking on the progress of the pasta cooking,  it struck me.. Inspite of his love for this dish, when offered similar looking Alfredo sauce pasta (white pasta), he tasted n spat it out at various occasions!!! When in Italy, he was the only one who didn't enjoy/eat pasta when pasta was arranged for the entire group owing to his birthday.. The entire crew from Kerala enjoyed it inspite of being reluctant to try a foreign cuisine whereas the chief guest of the day satisfied himself with the cheese on the pizza instead!! Why?? Pasta being an Italian dish, had the authentic tasting thing there!! It was delicious, to put it in simple terms.. My three year old has helped solve a complicated thought in my head..

 My mummy (MIL)  is an amazing cook, nobody can beat that.. But still, certain dishes I love when it's cooked by my mom.. Not because of the taste, but familiarity.. I have grown up having certain dishes in a certain manner.. That's a signature style of my mom or dad.. If someone else makes the same dish, it'll not taste the same.. I'd prefer the taste I've had all my life over something new..

This simple logic was unearthed by my tiny tot who hasn't even begun talking clear sentences.. He has had pasta made by me much more times than the outside food.. I boil it soft since he's lazy to chew, replace maida with wheat flour, authentic maida pasta with semolina pasta, not adding veggies or chicken since he hates it and on and on..  I make Palak paneer with extra cream because it masks the flavour of spinach since the kid refuses it and that's a hit with him!! In brief, it's custom made for my son, because I know his choices, worry about his health and want to see the satisfaction in his face at the end of the meal..

 That's what all our mothers have been doing for us.. We don't worry whether or not the food retains the authentic taste because we have a more important concern.. Next time when you boast about how amazing cook your mom is, don't forget to acknowledge the preference she's given to your choice!!